The Reset Button
It's an idea that hasn't always been viewed as such. When I was younger I saw it as a way out. Sometimes even as a means to an end. Now that I have experienced more in the world than when I was younger, my view has changed. But I have not let go of the idea.
Suicide; the act of killing oneself intentionally.
Kill; cause the death of (a person, animal, or other living thing).
Death; the end of the life of a person or organism
Life; the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.
It's interesting trying to find what you believe as something already described. After experimenting with some of the ideas and substances that life has to offer, I feel I've started to define my own ideas of reality as well as accepting others.
Many days are tough for me. In high school I had a lot of trouble with fitting in. But I don't mean that in a conventional manner. I mean that so many people had an idea of what they wanted to do at such a young age. I graduated knowing I wanted nothing more than to be happy and play music. I now play music and am mostly happy. But there is still this underlying feeling of more. But more what? I spent many days feeling sad and being depressed. I was overwhelmed with the life I had discovered. Did I mention that I grew up in a Born Again Jesus Has Risen home? Because that's important to know.
I ended up being very confused when I got older and realized that I did not believe in the religion of my family. I soon ended up realizing that I didn't believe in any religion really. They all seemed to be about control. Primitive creations to ensure that people don't think on their own. A wall to prevent anyone from realizing their true potential.
Currently I am indifferent about religion. I believe it to be nothing more than fairy tales to teach moral boundaries and define the weak. By this I mean only that certain people need the ideas that religion gives them to be strong enough to survive in this world. That brings me close to where I started, this world. For I believe it to be just that. As I believe there are many more, some most likely using the same planet we are but on a different frequency. I believe there are infinite choices we have when we are not in a world. I believe that we have pre-created many of the parameters that surround our lives before we enter the world to ensure the experience we are looking for.
But what happens when things don't turn out as planned? What happens when you feel that nothing is going your way and you just need a fresh start? Let me be clear; this is not a comical subject. I am not jesting when I continue. I have felt many times through my life that I just wanted to restart. Earlier in my life, mainly the high school days I felt that suicide was the best way out. Out of the fear, the loneliness, out of the confusion. They are complicated years of our life. Now that I am older, I view many things differently - suicide included.
As I previously stated, I believe that we have predestined much of our life experience before we start it. And it takes our entire life to possibly remember why we're here. I've recently felt so lost and confused, so frustrated by the mysteries that I just want a fresh start. I want to see who is behind the curtain. I want the answers and am not enjoying the journey to there as much as I believe I should be. I want to be happy. I want to be found. I want to hit the reset button.