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Writing has always come comfortably to me. I would never say easy. To describe anything as easy would be to cheapen that experience. I've no idea why I am starting to write this now. It seems like a long time it's been an option, and it's finally coming to fruition.
The last couple days have been rather tough on me mentally. I've been focusing on my diet and exercise a lot over the past few months and I've noticed many positive changes. One of them being my outlook (in hindsight). I've done many things and lived many ways. I was raised in a religious household and so when I became 18 and "old enough" to make my own decisions I went hard and fast. What other choice was there?
I've gotten hammered for days, lived in the woods, crashed two cars, done coke all night, done many prescription drugs, tripped, rolled, been fired, been cheated on, lived like a rock star, fallen like a rock star, been in love, been torn apart, fallen in love again, crashed and burned, dragged myself out of those ashes, found myself, lost myself, lied, cheated, believed in god, despised god, lost god, found bliss, learned to love, learned to forgive, learned to grow up. This is a handful of many things that have led me to who I am today and why I make certain decisions.
I have found through all of the things I have done so far in life, that there are times when the clarity of your situation is so profound you feel blinded. And there are times you feel so disconnected and cold you believe yourself to simply be a wanderer; unwanted and untouchable.
Getting older you also realize how much slower your recovery time is. I drank all day for the first time in a while recently and the next day was terrible. And the one after it still bad, It wasn't the headaches or the sheer exhaustion I felt, it was the odd calm that seemed to be everywhere. I felt like I had no ambition. I felt I could die that day and it wouldn't matter. As unsettling as it is to think like that, I had the amazing vision of the universe. I could see the solo journey. While it felt uncomfortable to feel emotionally distant from my loved ones, the clarity was intense. I felt that I could clearly see the split in the roads, the different paths I could chose to go down. I could just give up and go back to drinking every day and tolerating my job, or I could get back on the horse and fight for what I want to do during my short time here on earth.
Because that is the big picture I feel so many people forget. We have an expiration date. We will not live forever. And you can view life as one big party, life fast and die young. Or you can prepare yourself and fight for what you want to get out of it. You chose your path. I choose mine. It does not matter what anyone else tells you to do, or tells you you should do.
So I encourage you to find what makes you happy both mentally and physically. From experience I feel the best when my body is running it's best, it helps my mind stay clear. And when my mind is at it's best, by body can do more. I'm not saying you have to run everyday, join a yoga class, or get a gym membership. And I'm not saying to meditate for hours each day, find religion, or go to college. But find a way to keep your mind and body sharp that best fits your lifestyle and you will see a difference.